一 创意回帖

1. 楼主：我新买了一处庄园，有多大说出来吓死你，我开车绕了一圈足足用了两个半小时！！！
沙发：嗯，以前我也有这么一辆破车～

2. 楼主：每天对着单位那群白痴讲话让我感到前途很绝望……
沙发：你真幸福，因为真正可怕的不是对牛弹琴，而是一群牛对着你弹琴……

3. 楼主：和女友ML时，女友好像喊了另一个男人的名字……
沙发：你日了别人的女人你还有什么不满意的！

4. 楼主：反腐真的就这么难吗？
回复：你割割自己的JJ看难不难！

5. 楼主：新闻说某人被蟒蛇吞了，请问在野外真的遇到蟒蛇怎么办？
回复1：掐七寸，捅肛门，两个很有效的方法，希望大家广为传播。
回复2：捅蛇的肛门还是自己的肛门？
……
回复47：屁话，荒郊野外的拿什么捅！
回复48：许仙知道拿什么捅！

二 The Goodnight Kiss

One night a guy takes his girlfriend home. They are about to kiss each other goodnight, but the guy is feeling a little horny. With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and, smiling, he says to her:”darling, would you give me a blow job?"

Horrified, she replies "Are you mad? My parents will see us!"

Him: "Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?"

Her: "No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?"

Him: "Oh come on, there's nobody around, they're all sleeping!"

Her: "No way. It's just too risky!"

Him (horny as hell): "Oh please, please, I love you so much?!?"

Her: "No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just can't!"

Him: "Oh yes you can. Please?"

Her: "No, no. I just can't"

Him: "I beg you ... "

Out of the blue, the light on the stairs goes on, and the girl's sister shows up in her pyjamas, hair disheveled, and in a sleepy voice she says: "Dad says to go ahead and give him a blow job. Or I can do it. Or if need be, he'll come down himself and do it. But for god sake tell him to take his hand off the intercom..."

三 You must be a dentist !

A man and a woman meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the woman's place.

A few drinks later, the man takes off his shirt and then washes his hands.

He then takes of his trousers and washes his hands again.

The woman has been watching him and says, "You must be a dentist."

The man, surprised, says "Yes! How did you figure that out?"

"Easy," she replies, "you keep washing your hands."

One thing leads to another and they make love.

After they are done, the woman says, "You must be a good dentist."

The man, now with a boosted ego says, "Sure, I'm a good dentist. How did you figure that out?"

"Didn't feel a thing!"

四 Farting is no good

This is a story about a couple who had been happily married

for years. The only friction in their marriage was the husband's

habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke.

The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her

eyes water and make her gasp for air.

Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them

off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop

it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor;

she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out.

The years went by and he continued to rip them out! Then one

Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for

dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the

bowl where she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard,

liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her.

She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was

sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she

pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied

the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.

Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual

trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and

the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom.

The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor

laughing, tears in her eyes!

After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty

good. About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs

in his bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face.

She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter. He said,

"Honey, you were right." "All these years you have warned me

and I didn't listen to you."

"What do you mean?" asked his wife.

"Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my

guts out, and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God, some

Vaseline, and these two fingers, I think I got most of them back in."

五 The piss test$

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Jack says to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor."

"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies. "There's a diagnostic computer at the drugstore at the corner. Just give it a urine sample and the computer'll tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars...a hell of a lot cheaper than a doctor."

So Jack deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to the drugstore. He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks.

That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Jack began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and masturbated into the mixture for good measure. Jack hurries back to the drugstore, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.

The computer prints the following:

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.

2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.

3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.

4. Your wife is pregnant...twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.

5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better.

六 那一年

有一年，一个记者奉命下基层采访歌颂伟大的社会主义。到乡间偶遇一个老头儿，于是他就问：“老大爷，您这一辈子最难忘的事是什么呀？”

老头儿说：“最难忘的事呵，就是那年阿——，公社里的一只羊丢了，这可是社会主义的羊呀，不能丢！所以我们全村的男人呵就都带上干粮带上酒，上后山去找羊，找了一整天，终于找着了，这时候天也黑了，于是我们决定就地宿营。我们点起篝火，庆祝找到了社主义的羊，我们唱呵跳呵，吃了干粮就开始喝酒，喝着喝着，就喝“高”了，后来我们就把那只羊，给上了。”

记者想这个没法写呀，又问：“那您这辈子最幸福的事是什么呀？”

老头儿说：“最幸福的事呵，就是那年阿——，老李家的二闺女丢了，这哪成啊，所以我们全村的男人呵就都带上干粮带上酒，上后山去找老李家的二闺女。找了一整天，终于找着了，这时候天也黑了，于是我们决定就地宿营。我们点起篝火，庆祝找到了二闺女，我们唱呵跳呵，吃了干粮就开始喝酒，喝着喝着，就喝“高”了，后来我们就把二闺女，给上了。”

记者急了，怎么都是这事儿啊，干脆就问：“那您这辈子最痛苦的事是什么呀？”

老头儿想了想，说：“最痛苦的事啊，就是那年阿——，我丢了……

七 划桨

甲乙丙叁个男人去旅社住，因没钱，只好住在同一间，隔天早上起床，甲吹嘘道：「我昨晚梦见和女朋友激战叁十回合，难分难解，害我现在要洗裤子。」乙听了不屑的说：「算什麽，我梦见跟女友大战叁百回合，不分胜负！」说完也亮出内裤。丙听了皱着眉头说：「你们怎麽都这麽色，就只会想那些！像我，只梦到一个人独自在湖中划船，划了好久，结果划呀划的，两支桨居然喷出水来......」

八 点名

教授：有没有应到的未到？

班长：没闻到。。

九 新男友

一个女大学生定期去一个医生处体检。

第一次哪个医生发现女大学生的胸部有一个红色的“H”，不解其意，问之，女大学生答曰：“我男朋友是哈佛大学的学生，他喜欢穿着有学校标志‘H’的T-SHIRT 和我做爱，时间一长就印在身上了。”医生恍然大悟。

第二次体检时，医生发现女大学生胸部的字母变成了“Y”，复问之于女大学生，女大学生答曰：“上月刚换男朋友，新的男朋友是耶鲁大学的，他喜欢穿带学校标志‘Y’的T-SHIRT 与我做爱。。。。。”

第三次体检时，医生发现女大学生胸部的字母变成了“W”，于是他很自信的对女大学生说：“你又换了男朋友，新的男朋友是WASHINGTON UNIVERSITY的，对不对？”女大学生笑曰：“只答对了一半。新男朋友是MINNISOTA UNIVERSITY的。”

十 打赌

一个男人带着他的宠物鳄鱼走进一间酒吧.他把鳄鱼放在吧台上,然后转身对惊讶的酒客们说:「跟大家做个交易,我将把鳄鱼的嘴打开,把我的老二放进去,然后它新合上嘴巴一分钟后再打开,我新将我的家伙毫发无伤的取出来,届时你们每个人都请我喝一杯,以做为目睹这个奇观的回报」

群众喃喃低语的允诺了,那男人站在吧台前脱下裤子,把他的"底迪"放进鳄鱼张开的嘴,在观众的屏息中鳄鱼合上了它的嘴.过了一分钟后,那男人拿起一个啤酒瓶用力敲打鳄鱼的头部,鳄鱼张开嘴,那男人果真毫发无伤的取出他的家伙.

群众们欢呼并送上饮料给那男人.

不久那男人又站起来提出另一个提议:「我出一百元给任何胆敢试试看的人」群众间一阵沉默,过了一新儿酒吧后方臃起一只手,一个金发女郎羞怯的说:「我可以试试看,但你要答应我不能用啤酒瓶敲我的头」

我有一位朋友，就职于世界知名的500强公司，每个月拿着令我艳羡的薪水，却给自己制定了拍拖的开销标准：150元/次。昨晚msn时，由于时间仓促，我并没有追问他对于“次”的定义。现在回想起来，我的眼前便浮现了这么一副画面：当计划第二天的拍拖行程时，他陷入了无限矛盾：今天的budget只有150块，酒楼和酒店，只能选一处： To eat or to sleep, that is a question. 最终他选择了去酒店开房，因为子曰：食？色？性也！一天下来，两人都被送入医院抢救，医生报告中写道：男生由于严重脱水且长时间未进食而虚脱；女生由于过度进食而引致急性肠胃炎。

原谅我，我WS的眼睛里容不下一丁点的清纯。

实际上我这位朋友可算是世纪初濒临绝种的好男人。帅气外貌，稳定的高收入以及积极的进取心态，使他成为女生心目中的理想饭票。而长期饭票，正是一个好男人在21世纪应该扮演的首要角色。至于责任心，浪漫情调这些好男人的进阶条件他也不缺，除了一点点的自负，相信我，假如明天就是世界末日，他绝对可以是你今天跟他登记结婚的那个人。

可惜我们谁都不知道明天是不是那最后的一天。所以他就一直保持着单身。

《马可福音》里讲述了一个小故事：耶稣讲道，吸引了许多人捐款。耶稣看着那些人，他见到有个财主捐了一大笔钱，又看到一个穷寡妇往箱子里投了两个小钱。他就对门徒说：“我实在告诉你们，这穷寡妇投的比众人还多，因为众人都是自己有余，拿出来投在库里；但这寡妇是自己不足，把她一切养生的钱都投上了。”耶稣可能是有史以来最难追到的情人了，需要花上全部的积蓄才能赢得他的感动；相比之下，每月花一半的收入换取一位女生的芳心，无论如何都不该嫌多。何况以我朋友的薪资，把恋爱的预算做足了—夜幕里浪漫的餐厅，周末的长隆乐园以及长假里的苏杭游（算上7-11里的杜蕾丝）—也根本占不到他收入的一半数额。

恋爱就该有长线投资的自信和勇气--相信自己欣赏的女人值得自己勇敢的倾囊相求。光想着如何避免让别人占小便宜，连吃顿饭都踌躇着提议AA，持着这种散户心态，难免一辈子被爱情股市里的st股套牢。

爱情，就是要让吝啬的人玩不起。

我的路又在哪里呢？

人家以为我作弊，踢我出来了，哈哈哈！