1，问安都好几次了，你还要假装听不见吗？

2，发的稿子每次都用一样的格式，你想骗稿费吗？

3，你不是有真理部吗？

4，那么多人都不明真相，你干嘛不一开始就告诉他们真相？

5，那么小的县城，开不进坦克车吧？

6，现在都是手机上网时代了，你想给全世界来一场木马屠城直播？

7，趁现在还能收拾，洗个大澡吧。

8，要不然到金銮殿上问安就不好了。

9，你想让大家在开幕式的时候合唱：同一个中国，同一声问安？

10，笨。

哇哈哈哈~

某人与清纯女的对话

某：知道小泽圆吗？

清纯女：不知道。

某：知道朝美穗香吗？

清纯女：不知道。

某：知道武藤兰吗？

清纯女：不知道。

某：知道李英爱吗？

清纯女：她怎么也干这个?

某: ......

A pianist

A pianist was hired to play background music for a movie. When it was completed he asked when and where he could see the picture. The producer sheepishly confessed that it was actually a porno film and it was due out in a month.

A month later, the musician went to a porno theatre to see it. With his collar up and dark glasses on, he took a seat in the back row, next to a couple who also seemed to be in disguise.

The movie was even raunchier than he had feared, featuring group sex, S/M and even a dog.

After a while, the embarrassed pianist turned to the couple and said, "I'm only here to listen to the music."

"Yeah?" replied the man. "We're only here to see our dog."

处女

大学有一哥们从来口无遮拦，但常被我们驳倒，每次被驳倒之后，他总气急败坏地说：“我诅咒你女朋友不是处女！”这招还真灵，大家都拿他没办法。

这天，他又故伎重演，还变本加厉地骂道：“我诅咒你们宿舍所有人的女朋友都不是处女！！！”

这时，平日里少言寡语言语的老二来一句：“我们也真诚地祝福你女朋友永远都是。

American Beer

This guy goes to a doctor and says he has a problem with sex. "Doc, I think my dick is just too damn small," he says. The doctor asks him which drink he prefers. Well, American beer," he replies quite bemused."Aaaahhh. There's your problem, it shrinks things, those silly American beers.. you should try drinking Guinness. That makes things grow."Two months later the chap returns to the doctor with a big smile on his face. He shakes the doctor by the hand and thanks him."I take it you now drink Guinness?" asked the doctor."Oh no, Doc," replies the man, "but I've got the wife on American beer!"

洞房花烛夜(打一天气)

------阴到小雨,可能有雪

70 ways

There are 70 ways to make a woman happy, one is shopping and the rest is 69

孔子论处

  子路：師，今世皆贊貞者。

子曰：然。

子路：但女子皆以童子為惡，何如？

子曰：然。

子路：怪歟？何以如此別乎？

子曰：城堅弗破則萬民來朝，破璧不穿乃貽笑大方。

Sex with a ghost   

speaker:  who among you had experienced having sex with a Ghost?

(A farmer raised his hand)

speaker: Really? How does it feel to have sex with a Ghost?

Farmer: shit! I thought goats!!

Harley Rider

(要看懂这个笑话，请查阅有关哈雷摩托与嬉皮士运动的关系)

Dianne goes to the doctor, and says, "Doctor, I've got a bit of a problem. I'll have to take my clothes off to show you."

The doctor tells her to go behind the screen and disrobe. She does so, and the doctor goes round to see her when she is ready.

"Well, what is it?" he asks.

"It's a bit embarrassing," she replies. "These two green circles have appeared on the inside of my thighs."

The doctor examines her and finally admits he has no idea what the cause is. Then he suddenly asks, "Is your boyfriend a Harley rider?"

The woman blushes and says, "Well, actually he is."

"That's the problem," the doctor says. "Tell him his earrings aren't real gold."

Genius Boyfriend

A worried father confronted his daughter one night. "I don't like that new boyfriend, he's rough and common and bloody stupid with it."

"Oh no, Daddy," the daughter replied, "Fred's ever so clever, we've only been going out nine weeks and he's cured me of that illness I used to get once a month." 

明天有个生命中曾经很重要的人要照毕业相，我去不了。。

The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majestys Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short). In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c". Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also, the hard "c" will be replaced with "k." Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced by "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20 per sent shorter.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent "e"s in the languag is disgrasful, and they would go.
By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" by "z" and "W" by "V". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou", and similar changes vud of kors; be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil b no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru.

Updates: 删去了奴才一段，虽然当时觉得很郁闷，不过陈越说得对，我没有资格论断人，我自己都只是一个slave，最多就是知道自己处境的slave。（学经济学不能让你免于失业，只能让你知道自己为什么失业。--萨缪尔森）

“为什么看见你弟兄眼中有刺，却不想自己眼中有梁木呢？ 你不见自己眼中有梁木，怎能对你弟兄说‘容我去掉你眼中的刺’呢？ 你这假冒为善的人！先去掉自己眼中的梁木， 然后才能看得清楚” --《马太福音》

一

女同事们在办公室大赞zf的表现，对jb亲赴灾区的举措更是激动不已。我在一边静静的听着，最终忍不住插嘴：他做的这些都是应该的吧？

毫无意外的被围攻，那位可爱的年轻女同事，理直气壮的说：他们本来可以只做个样子的，现在全力拯救人民，不是应该表扬吗？

我没有继续说话，继续做手头的事情。要吵的外航公司多了，没必要跟自己公司的同事也较真。

二

又一个北大教授语出惊人：捐款不是善行而是义务。（全文点击这里）

（中国青年报：你的意思是对于这次大地震每个人都必须捐款吗？

王海明：是呀。很多人是把捐款当成善行，没有理解成责任和义务。他们不知道在特殊情况下，在非常时刻，为国家做贡献更是一种责任，而不仅仅是善行。

    同时，捐献还要跟收入成比例，收入多的人多捐献是你的责任和义务，收入少的人也要履行捐款的责任和义务，不捐献是不履行责任和义务。）

这样看起来是很荒谬，不过我估计还是会有很多人赞成，就像他们前一阵子攻击王石一样。

三

最近打开牛博，满眼的范跑跑，牛博的作者们不能写点有趣的东西么，这么看下去眼睛要淡出鸟了。

老师我也做过，学生从幼儿园小孩到大学生都有，我不觉得自己的生命比他们值钱或者低贱，要有地震我也会先跑，而且由于讲台离门近，我肯定会比他们快一步出门口。

说不定一出门就被一个花盆砸死了，学生呆在教室里反而没事。（是不是觉得这一幕有点眼熟？呵呵，中电影Mist的毒了）

但也没办法，一个人只需对自己的行为负责。

最近老是想睡觉，写的东西完全没有条理。

睡去了，明天精神好了再来细细写一篇。

说不定写成一篇笑话了，呵呵，谁知道呢。

《江城子.废墟下的自述》
一位废墟中的地震遇难者，冥冥之中感知了地震之后地面上发生的一切，遂发出如是感慨——
      天灾难避死何诉，
　　 主席唤，总理呼，
　　 党疼国爱，声声入废墟。
　　 十三亿人共一哭，
　　 纵做鬼，也幸福。
　　 银鹰战车救雏犊，
　　 左军叔，右警姑，
　　 民族大爱，亲历死也足。
　　 只盼坟前有屏幕，
　　 看奥运，同欢呼。

《钗头凤.川之吟》
　　 山青秀，水碧透，
　　 峰塌须臾河毁骤。
　　 城飞歌，乡飘乐，
　　 楼崩灵折，村消屯破。
　　 祸。祸。祸。
　　 国殇忧，八方吼，
　　 令发京城动九州。
　　 红旗烁，军歌越，
　　 救川举国，不弃一个。
　　 魄！魄！魄！

山东作协副主席王兆山

请允许我借当年打周老虎时网友奉献无情对一幅，问候王先生。

“顶叶纸虎啸华南，卧草泥马勒隔壁！”

被称作是岳敏君最富有激情的艺术作品《处决》刷新的中国当代艺术品拍卖纪录，几乎超出了其预展价格的两倍。两个电话竞拍者为这件精品相持了大约6分钟，最后以293万欧元的高价售出，比艺术家在6月苏富比拍卖中创下的纪录高出了70万欧元。